It was September 23 2010 and I was going for what I thought would be a normal 19 week ultrasound.... It ended up being the beginning of the worst event of my life. After that ultrasound I was sent to Sunnybrook hospital for another ultrasound and other tests. It was then determined that my baby boy Coby had Thanatophoric dysplasia. I was told by the doctors and paediatrician that if I carried him full term he would die shortly after birth. So, thinking I was doing the right thing based on their advice, I was induced a couple weeks later, putting me at 21 weeks. I went in on October 6 and delivered Coby at 8:10am on October 7 2010. He fit in my hand. It is a day I will never forget. The care at Sunnybrook was amazing. The days after leaving the hospital were not so good. They sent a nurse to my house for a couple of weeks and then after that I was alone. I called a support group but my boyfriend at the time would not go and I didn't want to go alone so I never went.... wine became my best friend. I knew I couldn't keep with that so I started a journal but other than that I kept everything in. It wasn't until 2014 that I finally went and saw a counsellor. I had a breakdown at work and knew I needed to get help. It wasn't until then that I was truly able to forgive myself for not carrying Coby full term and knowing that the doctors were looking out for my best interest as well as his.
I recommend more than anything, when dealing with something that you think you can just hide inside and it will go away, don't. Reach out for the help and even if friends and family don't know how to be around you, there are people who do. You are never alone.
I am now at a place where I can let myself think and talk about Coby and know he will always be with me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story